


junk of the heart

by archieknight



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, for the aftg valentines day exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 19:52:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archieknight/pseuds/archieknight
Summary: Neil realises Valentine's Day is a thing.





	junk of the heart

**Author's Note:**

> for @twnyards whose prompt was:
> 
> "Tell me one thing you’d rather do than be here with me.”  
> “Shove an entire pineapple up my ass.”

Neil was running when his phone started complaining at him. Usually, he wouldn’t take his phone with him on his runs. He hated the bastard thing. But upon realising this, Andrew had told him that his luck was too bad to assume he wouldn’t get mugged or kidnapped on campus at 6 in the morning. That was just Andrew’s way of telling Neil that he cared, so he slipped the phone into his hoodie pocket every morning before he left - he even made sure it was charged (for once).

He slowed down to a jog and pulled the phone out to answer it.

“Neil!” yelled Matt down the phone, not giving Neil a chance to speak, “I need moral guidance.”

“Oh no,” muttered Neil jokingly, “what have you done this time?”

Matt chuckled shortly before saying, “I have no idea what to get Dan for Valentine’s Day. And before you complain, I can’t ask Renee or Allison because last year they told her- well, they asked her what she wanted and it really ruined it okay- and I want it to be surprise, even though I don't know what _it_ is yet. Maybe jewellery, definitely flowers- just she’s not exactly conventional, but I want to get something that’s original but still romantic, you know?” His babbling came fast and overlapping, Neil nodded along and caught vaguely what he was talking about.

“Uh, you know, I’m really not an expert,” Neil started talking and stopped running. He rested his back by a nearby tree and caught his breath.

“This is how desperate I am.”

“Yikes,” Neil sucked a breath through his teeth and thought, “maybe take her out for dinner?”

Matt sighed, “is that generic?”

“Fuck knows,” Neil shrugged, he started pacing around to the tree restlessly.

“What are you doing for Andrew?” Matt asked.

Neil stopped dead in his tracks, _was he supposed to do something for Andrew? Probably not, they were hardly a couple. But he supposed he’d like to do something nice for Andrew, something small, maybe. Huh._

“Uh, I don’t know. I think Dan’s higher maintenance than Andrew though, so.”

“Hm, I’m not so sure.” Matt hummed before bursting into a chuckle. Neil wished that Matt could see his eye roll. “Okay, she’s out of the shower. Thanks for the advice!”

“You’re wel-” Neil looked at the phone to see Matt had cut off the call. He also noticed that it was the 13th of February, and smiled in amusement of Matt’s last minute flapping. 

Neil decided to jog the rest of the way home. When he got back to the Fox Tower, Andrew was slouched in a beanbag on his phone. When he heard the door close, he locked the phone rapidly. Neil smiled loosely and threw himself down onto the beanbag next to him, “I’m going to assume you were playing Animal Crossing and not texting other guys.” 

“Don’t assume anything,” Andrew replied, throwing the phone to the side and leaning forward to kiss Neil. Neil smiled into the kiss, the kind of smile he would’ve hidden only a year ago. When he pulled away, he rested his head on Andrew’s shoulder. “Wipe that smile off your face,” Andrew grumbled.

“Make me,” Neil dared.

Andrew lifted his hand to poke Neil’s mouth, he pouted and went crossed-eyed looking down at it. “This,” he said, kissing Andrew’s finger away, “was not what I meant.”

He didn’t reply, but rested his hand by Neil’s shoulder. He let his fingertips graze Neil’s side mindlessly. Neil let his mind wander to whether they were an actual couple- what did actual couples do? They kissed, they listened, they came home to each other everyday. Did that make them a couple? Neil never really let the word _boyfriend_ slip, only ever to people that wouldn’t understand what the pull in his tone meant when he said _Andrew._

He felt as if what he and Andrew had was different to what everyone else did, but he supposed that was the point of love. _Love._ He didn’t think he’d let that word slip either, because he’d always been a liar.

That night, he and Andrew went to bed as usual. Andrew must’ve noticed how stuck in his own head Neil was, because he offered for them to go up to the roof. Neil declined, saying it was too cold. It was, but he also knew that roof is where his secrets spilled. And whereas he didn’t have secrets anymore, he’d like to know he he felt before he told Andrew.

Andrew fell asleep before Neil, something rare and maybe something precious. Andrew looked peaceful when he slept, well, perhaps _dormant._ Some of the most devastating volcanoes in history are dormant right now. 

The next day, after practise, they were all driving back to Fox Tower. Upon arriving, Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin tumbled out of the car and made their way to their dorms. Andrew locked the car and started after them before Neil asked, “I don’t have any classes, do you wanna go somewhere?”

Andrew squinted in suspicion, but agreed because he was eager to know what was on Neil’s mind. “What do you want to do?” He asked, getting back into the car.

“Uh, I don’t know. Sweetie’s?” Neil shrugged. This was the most romantic he could get without Andrew realising he was trying to get him to go on a date.

Andrew nodded and drove there, it was a reasonably long drive but Neil enjoyed it. He liked driving with Andrew, the comfortable quiet or easy conversation. The scenery out the window that started to feel more and more like home. Andrew’s side profile while his eyes were on the road, that always had and always would feel like home.

They sat in their regular booth at Sweetie’s. Neil sat at the opposite side to Andrew, which felt strange, but very date-like. Usually, there would be a whole hoard of them, Neil and Andrew crammed at the end next to each other. Andrew holding Neil’s hand under the table and tracing his knuckles. This, however, was unfamiliar.

“This isn’t a Valentine’s day thing,” Andrew stated.

“Why not?” Neil bit his lip. He really wanted to know Andrew’s stance on the idea, maybe he should’ve asked before arriving at the restaurant. 

“Because Valentine’s Day is a capitalist scam made for straight people who forget that they are supposed to pretend to love their spouse everyday,” Andrew deadpanned, picking up the dessert menu nonetheless. 

“I don’t pretend to love you.” Neil furrowed his brow. The words rattled in his throat, like he was trying to grab them back. _Love love love love love love love love._ The word was plastered on every wall and every packet in the country at this time of year, so regurgitated that it lost its meaning. Neil wished there was a word that meant more, a word to describe what he felt for Andrew. 

“Love isn’t real.”

“What do you mean?” Neil inquired. It was a bold statement. Mainstream ideas of romance were as fake as they come, that’s indisputable fact. But, love (as overused as it it) must be something. He guessed his mother had loved him, what else would stop her from leaving him in the dirt and saving herself? If that wasn’t love, what was it?

Love was a reason to stay, Andrew was Neil’s reason to stay. Andrew was reason. Period. He was logic and explanation- he was an answer. Neil lived a life of question marks and Andrew was a full stop. 

“Love is a neurochemical crutch for procreation, which doesn’t really concern us,” Andrew said easily, slightly amused with himself. Neil wasn’t amused. He was as nihilistic as the next Fox, but maybe he liked the idea of love.

“Then what’s this?” Neil asked, trying not to raise his tone, but his voice cracked.

Andrew withheld his eye roll, “I told you. This is nothing.”

“Still?” Neil asked, Andrew didn’t give him an answer. Neil’s heart sank with the silence. 

This must have been love, because even when Andrew was acting like this. Even when his heart was hanging by his feet and his heart pounding with anxiety, there was no where else he wanted to be than with Andrew.

“Tell me one thing you’d rather do than be here with me,” Neil demanded.

“Shove an entire pineapple up my ass,” Andrew deadpanned, dropping the menu onto the table.

Neil scoffed, “you know? Humour is just a neurochemical crutch to stop us all killing ourselves.”

Andrew pursed his lips, in a way that would hold back a laugh in anyone else. On Andrew it just showed what should have been there, but wasn’t. 

“What I mean is; why are you still here?” Neil rephrased. Andrew didn’t break eye contact from Neil, it was harsh enough to feel like _he_ was the one being interrogated. 

“Because I want ice-cream,” Andrew responded. 

Neil’s shoulders slumped. “Fair enough,” he muttered, sliding the menu over to himself. He didn’t feel like eating.

They ordered their ice-cream, Neil ordered the same as Andrew knowing he’d give the majority of his to him. Neil picked at the bowl, glancing at Andrew periodically. Each time he choked on unformed sentences, until he said. “If love is fake, is _nothing_ real?” 

“People think love is everything, so I suppose everything’s fake,” Andrew replied vaguely.

“Not nothing. _Nothing._ Us.”

“You think you’re clever,” Andrew pointed his spoon at Neil, who exhaled moodily out his nose.

Andrew imitated his sigh before saying, “you know what fake is, you have been fake. You have been Stefan and Chris and Alex. Does this feel like that?”

“No,” he murmured. It was strange that he’d always used someone else’s name as an identity, but hearing Andrew’s felt more familiar than any of them had. 

“You became real, you have the scars and the paperwork to prove it. Does it feel like that?”

Neil bit his lip, before letting a smile so small and so real escape. He stood up and make his way to the other side of the booth, Andrew shuffled to the side to let Neil sit down next to him. The whole place centered; he felt less on edge, less on show, less alone. He could see all the exits; checking was an old habit, but reassured him nonetheless. 

But most importantly, his shoulders brushed against Andrew’s slightly. He could smell fresh cigarettes and deodorant. He could mutter in the quietest voice and get a reply. He was close enough to him, closer than he’d ever been to home.


End file.
